just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
