best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
