I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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