she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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