you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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