I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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