I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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