I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
