In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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