white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
