dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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