We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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