One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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