I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
