dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
