Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
