don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
