eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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