Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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