Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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