apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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