We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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