he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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