You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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