for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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