so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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