so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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