girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
