I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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