He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
