meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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