Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
