Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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