everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
