Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize