so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize