I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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