i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
