he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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