u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
