PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
