He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
