So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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