I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
