i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
