Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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