The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
