bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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