Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
