So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
