Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.