fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.