Where is the hickey?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
