you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?