That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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