One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I want is dick and wine.