my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.