I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
