I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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