Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
