Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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