new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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