I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She even gives head with a lisp.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
