it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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