maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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