I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
