I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
