so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do herpes really smell.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
