i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
