I just saw a hot homeless man
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
