i need an iv and a liver transplant
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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