I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
