I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
