You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Soap is not a condiment
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
