The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
