Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
