So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
