i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
