1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
