peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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