Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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