If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're like the curious george of whores
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
