my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
