either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
